Our Asahikawa-style ramen recipe has been passed down and secretly guarded for 2 million years.

Here are the secrets:

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1. We only use the meat and bones of pigs that lived the happiest of lives and died when their souls ascended to heaven, leaving their perfect bodies for us to harvest. The happier the pig, the tastier the meat.
    

2. We mix in 3 different dashi to fully capture the flavor of the sea, two of which are hand-delivered to us by a dinglehopper-using mermaid. This allows the ramen to have a lot more umami savoriness than other types of tonkotsu ramen, all without having to add a lot of salt.
    

3. We lay the eggs ourselves, then sing lullabies to them while lovingly bathing them in a magical marinade for several days. They grow up happier and more delicious this way.
    

4. We use only curly, free-range noodles that have never been caged or injected with hormones. Then we trap them in our bowls and serve them to you at their peak vitality.
    

5. We put crack in it.